Let me guess, when you first found out that you were expecting a sibling for your first (or subsequent) babe you were filled with excitement, wonder and delight. You imagined the sounds of laughter filling the house as they ran amock together building, putting on dance shows, dressing up, playing together. 

But, let’s be honest, the constant conflict and competition is absolutely exhausting. You can’t put the baby down for fear of them getting scratched, pinched, hit or pushed over. 

Trying to find the time to make sure each child feels like they’ve had enough of your attention is leaving you on a hamster wheel of constantly trying but never being able to give enough.

Trying to make sure each child feels seen and understood in their own unique way is leaving you confused and more disconnected. 

When it comes to hearing your children get hurt, excluded or listening to them say nasty things, it’s no secret that it can get you jumping up out of your seat and rushing to protect them from the hurt. 

But what if I told you that the real change happens when you stop protecting your children from conflict and start preparing them for it?

In fact, we can only learn how it feels to be at peace in relationships with others by first experiencing conflict. 

But, how do we allow that and ensure everyone can be safe AND have their needs met?

The thing is that every time you try and leave them to work it out things just escalate or someone ends up really hurt :-( 

But since applying my key ideas influenced by play therapy principles, I am so excited to say it doesn’t have to be this way…

When I bought home my third baby, I was sat feeding him in a state of bliss on the couch when my 5 year old came over and said to me “Mum, that baby you’re feeding I’ll set it on fire.” 

Now, without the understanding that I have about child development and how children respond to the world around them it would have been really easy to escalate this situation (with the best intentions) and it would have intensified the jealousy, the resentment and the disconnection. 

There’s another way that feels more connected, that allows everyone to feel understood and I’m desperate to show it to you! 

I get how hard it can be. I didn’t start getting along with my older brother until we were young adults. Then I had a son, and then a daughter and before I knew it I was operating from all of my own childhood stories. I wanted her to make sure she could stand up for herself and be heard. I was adamant he wouldn’t ‘get away with’ hurting her. I was trying to heal my own inner child by making sure she would feel like a winner. 

 Until one day that all changed. 

Once I gained awareness and I realised what I was doing, I’ve completely let go of the stories from the past and I can now operate in a way that meets everyone’s needs. And since stumbling on that? 

My three children can play together for hours at a time, solving their own conflict if it arises.

We have a set of family rules that each child knows will be enforced. 

They look for each other as soon as they wake up to reconnect. 

They celebrate each other’s successes (even the little things like growing a tooth or learning to hop). 

They’ve learnt to respect each other’s boundaries. 

And the best part? These skills have been transferred to the playgrounds and to schools… and I believe it can happen for you too. Instead of snatching, pushing and hitting, they’re now able to use some words or turn to me for help if their boundaries aren’t being heard. 

Are you ready to make these things a reality for you too? 

Live access to the 60 minute workshop with your chance to ask your individual questions. You’ll also get lifetime access so that you can refer back to it at anytime you hit a wobble or your kids reach a new stage of development. 

This has been created with a framework including some mindset hacks and some shapeshifter rules that might not be quite what you expect…

Get access to 3 recorded workshops

• Preparing for a new baby
• The first 12 months
• Supporting play in kids of different ages

A family rules creation guide

There’s a template to help you get crystal clear on your family values to create your rules, alongside your children so that everyone is on board and accountable.

Co-operative games ideas

20 Ideas for co-operative games that you can use to get them working together, not against each other (you’ll be surprised at how young you can start these) 

Ideas to create a unified family

A treasure trove of suggestions on creating a unified family.

More ideas for creating a unified family using what we know from attachment theory about HOW kids best connect! 

Meet Your Host

Hi, I'm Sarah!

As a Child and Family Play Therapist, with a background in Psychology I have over a decade of experience working with children and families.

I am passionate about supporting you on your parenting journey and ready to walk alongside you. As a mamma to three I get the excessive highs and lows of parenthood, cos I’ve been there too (and still there!).

www.securefoundations.com.au
@Securefoundations